Apples to Oranges

We need to stop wishing we were different and start embracing what we have. 

Comparing yourself to others is one of the worst things you can do. Actually, maybe the worst. Not only are you demoting your self-worth, but you are distracting yourself by wishing you looked or spoke or acted differently—wishing you were like a different person. But worst of all, you start believing that you’d be better off, happier, if you were different than whom you already are.

I really have no room to lecture you on why not to do this because, honestly, I do it too. A lot. It’s such a terrible habit and I try to stop myself from pulling apart the things I wish I had. I find myself wishing that I looked more like this one girl or wishing I could write as well as a classmate. It’s an awful thing but for some reason whenever I tell myself, “Okay, that’s enough,” I can never stop.

It’s tough. Like really tough.

I know my weakness and flaws because I experience them everyday. I notice what doesn’t work for me because I’ve had 2o years of noticing what doesn’t work for me. I’ve also had 20 years of trying to change what I don’t like and wishing those parts were different. But I’ve got to be honest: it’s a little tiring constantly dreaming of looking different or comparing what I don’t have to what other people do have.

I think the key here is to try not to stop myself from wishing I were different and actually accept that this is how I am now. This is me. I can’t change this no matter how much I try. And I’ve got to realize that those people I compare myself to have something they want to change about themselves as well. No one’s perfect, except in the way that we are all different.

If we can just look in the mirror and smile at what we’re so fortunate to have going for us, then we’re automatically a step closer to not comparing ourselves to others. Because all of those people you walk by comparing yourself to are different from you, from your friends, and from the other people walking around you, it’s truly amazing to know we each offer something different.

And great.

Comparing yourself to another person is like comparing apples to oranges. Excuse the cliché, but no two people should ever be compared to one another. Yes, they both are people, but they are two totally different examples of what defines us. We each bring something different to the table, which proves that we each possess something valuable and irreplaceable.

So get out of your own head. Be happy with the quirks, flaws, or mistakes you have made and continue to make. Smile at what you offer and appreciate what others have that you may not.

A Lesson to be Learned

Hello my beautiful readers. Just another post from yours truly. I mean, I guess I've milked the whole "you don't need a boyfriend" bit dry, but whatever. I say what's on my mind. So read it. Learn from it. And do it. 

Being a sophomore in college has allowed me time to get my feel of this whole “life” thing. I’ve learned a couple of things that I find actually pretty valuable (other than wearing your schools’ lanyard is not considered an acceptable fashion statement). I have plenty of experiences that made me cry, made me laugh, and ultimately made me a better person. However, there’s one thing that has stood out to me as the best advice of all:

Don’t go out planning on finding the love of your life. It’s not going to happen.

Okay, I get it. I’ve had a lot of posts about love and boys and stupid stuff like that. But trust me, this is actually good advice (and bearable to read). I’m getting tired of hearing naïve girls complaining they don’t have a boyfriend or they haven’t met that “special someone” at the frat house party.

Um, well, first of all, finding your next boyfriend at the frat house that’s notorious for hooking up with multiple girls in one night (um, gross?) is definitely not a good idea. Do you really expect to find a guy—in a frat—that would be willing to throw away the freedom he has every Friday and Saturday (and probably the rest of the week), just so he could have a desperate girlfriend? Sorry hun, but the chances aren’t looking too hot for you.

Secondly, going out with the intentions of finding someone to fill that boyfriend “void” is definitely not the way to go. You’re going out with your best friends, having the time of your life, and you’re really worried about finding Mr. Right? What do you think will happen? He’ll fill up your cup at the keg, with minimum spillage, and then bippity-boppity-boop: he’ll ask you to be his girlfriend? I’m not sure if it works that way.

I mean, it’s totally cool to be optimistic about finding your hubby at a sketchy dark party with beer spilled in your hair. I guess it’s possible it could happen. But would you really want to first meet your guy while you’re both slightly intoxicated, not 100% sure what the other one looks like, and barely hearing each other over the blaring dubstep? It certainly sounds romantic (note the sarcasm).

I don’t mean to sound so negative about this. If this is rant-y, I apologize. I’m just trying to get my point across: girls need to stop planning out when they’re going to meet their next boyfriend. Chances are, they’ll end up disappointed with the lack of boy they end up with at the end of the night, or worse—the boy they do end up with isn’t all that great.

I’ll end with this. To the girls whom this post applies to: stop expecting so much out of your Friday nights. Appreciate the pong game you just won or the hilarious photo shoot you had with the drunk-bus driver. But really appreciate the people beside you for all of this—your friends. They’ve been at your side longer than any boy has, and they will be there for you when that boy isn’t.

Just remember: eventually everything that is meant to happen will fall into place—whether that happens tomorrow, next week, or next year. Until then, enjoy the nights you have with your friends. Laugh at the mistakes you make and don’t dwell on the disappointment.

But most importantly, know everything happens for a reason.

I'm Single and Ready to Mingle

Happy Shouldn't-Be-A-Holiday Day. Wait, did that even make sense? You know what I meant. We're all bitter about being alone on this February 14th (and if you're not, well, that's just great). But there could be better things to this day than just a boyfriend who gives sappy cards and "okay" chocolate. Is this true? Yep, you better believe it. 

So it’s Valentine’s Day. And you’re most likely single (and bitter about it). You keep seeing all of the “lucky” girls on Facebook and Twitter showing off their bouquet of cliché roses that their boyfriends gave them. Meanwhile, all you have to show for it is a paper heart someone was giving out on the quad and a stomachache from the massive amounts of pity chocolate you’ve consumed.  

Instead of being a Debbie Downer about this “totally stupid holiday,” try to look at it in a different way. Okay, maybe you don’t have a stud of a boyfriend to buy you things you wouldn’t normally want (let’s be real here, that teddy bear that says “I love you” will be hidden under your bed in a matter of days) or have a date to go out with to a decent restaurant. But you do have a lot of other things.

Like your other single and mopey friends (just kidding about the mopey part. Well, kind of). Do you realize how much fun they are compared to a boyfriend? Around them, sweatpants are encouraged and stuffing your face with three servings of dinner is welcomed. Who cares if no one sent you flowers or if you don’t have a boyfriend to mention in your status about how much you love—you have the friends to have a 90s dance party with while wearing sweatpants (oh, did I already mention the sweatpants thing? Well, it’s that important).

I will admit I was a little bitter waking up this morning without being able to say I had a valentine. But what I was fortunate enough to get was flowers from my dad, and that’s just as good—if not better. I saw that boyfriends aren’t the only ones who could show their love to you on this bad excuse of a holiday: family and friends could too.

Instead of complaining about being oh-so alone and pathetic on this February 14^th, try to look on the bright side— you won’t have to worry about sneakily hiding that ridiculously cheesy teddy bear or watering the roses every day. Enjoy this day with your friends and realize that you guys are the lucky ones without boyfriends (single and ready to mingle, anyone?)—no one will judge you for eating a third helping of dinner like they would at that fancy restaurant, and you won’t be smothered with cliché over-the-top, mushy-gushy actions that your hypothetical boyfriend would feel obligated to do.

Oh, and sweatpants. You can’t forget the sweatpants.  

This One's for You

Nothing needs to introduce this.  Just read it and you'll understand.

In life, you’re not going to please everyone. Unfortunately, the majority will not agree with you in most situations. They might think they know everything about you, your intentions, and just about everything else. And with this “knowledge,” these people will try to put you down until you can’t take it anymore—until you give up, admit they’re right, and do it their way.

However, you have the power to decide whether you want to be the person to drop everything you fought for and go with the crowd, or if you want to be the person to look the haters in the eyes and tell them off. It’s your choice.

As much as their jabs hurt, as much as their judgmental minds affect you, and as much as you know they are talking about your choices behind your back, you have to be strong enough to know you can get back up. You don’t have to listen to them.

Do everything you want with as much passion as you have. Believe in yourself with a thousand times more power than they have trying to take you down. The people against you aren’t the ones to keep you down; you are the one with the last say. You have the ability to tell yourself they’re wrong, and you will ignore their shit-talking, disrespectful, inconsiderate comments.

Tell yourself they don’t know even half of what’s actually happening in your life. Tell yourself they’re wrong, and refute against them. Do whatever you can to let them know you don’t care what they have to say, what they think of you, or even what kind of person they set you out to be. You know it’s not true.

You come first. You are the one who knows everything that needs to be known; you know the people who are worth hanging out with, you know the truth behind every story you tell, and you know to believe in yourself when you’re getting pushed down.

It’s your choice. Don’t let those people take away something they never had to begin with—your passion, your truth, and your choices.

Get back up and prove them wrong.

Stage 5 Clinger Alert

I’ve come to a monumental realization. The person who cares the least, has the most control. The most power. Whether it be in a relationship, or something more taboo (Like, Hitler for instance. He was not a caring guy and look what happened). The person with the most control is able to walk away from the situation with nothing but a smile and a clear mind. You know why? They don’t care.

All of those nights where I constantly held my phone in hope of hearing those two meek vibrations indicating he texted me. The racing thoughts of wondering what he was doing, who was he with, and the rest of the desperate attempts to get him to pay attention to me a little more. I was the vulnerable one in this situation because I was trying the hardest. He wasn’t trying as hard as I was to keep the relationship intact. That made him the stronger one—the one in control.

Sure, I’ve realized this less than satisfying piece of information, but what am I supposed to do with it? The damage is already done. I guess the only thing left to do is listen to the saddest playlist ever and have a good cry, right?

Wrong.

Look, you might’ve messed things up in the past by being a little crazy, with an extra dose of clingy, but you have time to change. Remove the “stage 5 clinger” reputation by giving all those guys a dose of their own medicine—play hard to get right back. Act like you don’t care, so he’s the one thinking about you. Make him wonder what you’re doing and who you’re with.

Okay, it might be scary to think you can’t text him, resulting in only having texts from your mom (guilty, and not ashamed of it). But in the long run, it will make you seem more laid back, less needy, and ultimately more desirable to the oh-so-confusing male population. Those few days will be worth it in the end when he’s the one asking about you and texting you first.

Just remember, don’t be that girl who needs to text a guy constantly; as a result, you’ll come across as being that girl who needs a guy to be happy (and from my previous blog post, that’s a big no-no).  As much as it sucks to not talk to him every hour of the day, realize that he probably isn’t partying it up with six Playboy-esque girls or spending time with his ex-girlfriend, like you just know he’s doing. Let’s be honest, most of the time he’s either playing Call of Duty or FIFA with this friends. So stop worrying who he’s with or what he’s doing. Don’t send that third text in a row asking about it (you’ll thank me later).

Show him you don’t need him or you don’t think about him all the time (even though you probably do). Do this, and then he’ll want to make sure he’s in your life so you do think about him constantly. Be the one with the most control. The tables will turn, and he’ll be the one texting you.

            After he gets his last round of FIFA in, of course.

The Accomplishable New Year's Resolution

I hope everyone's 2011 was killer, but I hope 2012 is an even bigger year for you all. Learn from your mistakes from this year, and live it up in 2012. But most importantly, be happy with everything you do. If the Mayans think 2012 is the last chance for us, then make it one hell of a year to remember!

It’s that time of year. Yes, 2012 is knocking on everyone’s door whether they like it or not. This means a flood of diet changes, exercise goals, and other familiar resolutions will be made that will most likely only last a week. But this year, instead of making a goal that I know I won’t be able to reach (like my last year’s resolution to stop swearing. It lasted about 37 seconds), I want to make a plan that I can stick with.

So what’s my goal for 2012? (Drum roll please…) Well guys, it’s to start living in the moment. Go ahead, judge me for the cliché-romantic-comedy-ness of my resolution, but I really think it’s a good one. One that will last past January 10^th.

My grandmother made me realize that we tend to breeze by the small moments of each day, rushing through every task we do without really experiencing them. This Christmas when we were opening presents, my dad would collect the wrapping paper as soon as it was ripped off the packages to throw it away. Literally. He sometimes would get so focused on throwing paper away that he’d start unwrapping my presents for me. (Well, not really. But you get the point.) Upon seeing this, my grandmother said, “Now, Wayne. You’ve got to sit down and relax! Enjoy what is happening now instead of trying to move everything faster!”

I started wondering if I handled life like my dad, trying to make the time go by faster or thinking about the next step before it has even happened. And I’m guilty of doing that. I tend to think up scenarios in my mind, planning out my life, even before the first step has happened. I have been rushing life instead of taking in what is right there in front of me.

This is a terrible habit for two reasons: one, if life doesn’t go the way I planned it—the way I formulated it in my head—then I’ll be disappointed. If things don’t follow through with the guy I wanted to see, or if plans for a weekend don’t go smoothly, just like the way I wanted them to, then I’m going to be bummed out. And who wants to be sad about one little thing not going according to plans? Not me. And secondly, if I plan everything out or rush through things, I’m just missing the little curveballs or the awesomeness life surprisingly throws at me. I’m not embracing the fact that something really good can come out of some small event that I’m ignoring.

Here comes the inspirational part of this post. You’re welcome.

Life isn’t meant to be rushed through. You only live once. (C’mon, listen to Drake! YOLO, people, that’s the motto.) I mean, if you had one life left in a game of Mario, would you see how fast you could go through it? No. You would slowly make your way to the end, grabbing every coin or life mushroom thingy (I’ve never known what they were called) in order to make your trip safer and more enjoyable. You want to make sure you have everything you need in order to make it to the end.

And that’s how I see my 2012. It’s the year I’m going to enjoy all of those coins and little mushrooms (not in an illegal drug way, Mom…) in order to have a fully enjoyable year, and ultimately life. It’s time to start living in the moment and acknowledging the fact we do only have one chance to live this one life.  

So calm down. Live in the moment. Don’t throw away that wrapping paper before it even hits the ground—you’re going to miss something worthwhile if you keep rushing life.

How to Avoid Being "That Girl"

Yay, finally another post. I'm hanging in there people. This one is about what not to do as a female. Yup. So learn something all my lovely ladies. I know you can do it!

And don't worry, next up will be the fellas. So keep checking up for more ever-useful blogs from yours truly.

I know this is a different direction from what I usually write, but it’s still useful. Like really useful. It’s about what not to do as a girl. You don’t want to be “that girl.” Oh, you know what I mean. It’s fill in the blank. And I’m here to fill in that blank. So you’re welcome.

First of all, don’t be that girl who posts lovey-dovey stuff as your statuses. Cool, you have an awesome boyfriend. That’s just great. But your 859 friends on Facebook (most of which are just random people who you have no idea who they are, let’s be honest) don’t care if he’s the greatest boy on God’s green earth.  Oh, he texted you “good morning beautiful” this morning? Cool, go gush to your best friend about it. Or your diary. Not the entire Facebook world.

On the topic of statuses, don’t be the girl who has to mention how you’re “so over so-and-so” and how “you’re so happy that it’s over.” Obviously, you’re not over it. You wouldn’t be bringing it up every single status if you didn’t care anymore. You’re making yourself look like a desperate idiot if you think you’re fooling anyone—obviously you know this boy will see your status, and say “aw, she’s over me? Bummer, I see how awesome she is and now I to win her back and sweep her off her feet with my noble steed.” And you’d be more than willing to get back with him despite your 16 statuses saying you’re, like, “so over the drama.” Barf. Just don’t say anything if you’re really over him.

I might as well just cover the girl mistakes dealing with boys now, since there are a lot of them. Don’t be the girl who needs a boy to be happy. Oh, you know who you are. “Ugh, but I just know if I had a guy to cuddle with and watch movies with and blah blah blah I’d be so much happier.” No. First of all, if you find a guy that just wants to snuggle with you 24/7 and watch chick flicks, you need to check his man card. Second of all, you don’t have the right mindset if you think having a boyfriend will make you happier or a better person. So just stop it. Be happy being single and ready to mingle.

 These girls are usually the ones to have a different boyfriend seemingly every week. I will literally check my newsfeed on Facebook and I see girls go from “in a relationship” to “single” and back to “in a relationship” faster than I can post a comment. It’s bad. Don’t be that girl. It makes you look floozy and desperate. No one likes that.

Okay, that’s enough of that. Now onto the non-boy related stuff. Girls, for the sake of the public, please please please don’t be that girl who wears Uggs with skirts. Or any non-pant bottoms. It’s not cute. And it’s one of my biggest pet peeves. What, did you wake up in the morning and your feet thought it was winter and your thighs thought it was summer? No. You’re just making yourself look like a confused, fashion-deprived girl. So, no more.

Another thing I can’t stand is when girls tweet every 23 seconds. (Basically, girls need to take a social-networking 101 class. They need help.) “Walking to the library and saw a squirrel!” 19 seconds later… “Library is sooo crowded!” One minute later… “Omg, seeing people who you’re trying to avoid. #helpme.” Just stop it. Seriously. When I scroll down my Twitter timeline and see 8 tweets from the same person in a row, I just want to scream. Cool, you can tweet that you’re studying. But when you tweet about every single thing that you see, hear, smell, feel, or wish would happen, it’s annoying as hell. I mean, you’re supposed to be studying! How can you tweet and study at the same time? You can’t, so stop it. For the sake of your grades and my sanity.

The next thing that definitely needs dire attention is what happens at parties—don’t be that girl who always blacks out, hysterically cries, or yells at a party. It’s not cute; it will never be cute, so stop doing it. Honestly, girls, the black-out look will never be in style (I’m sorry, but the running eye liner and the nappy hair are just not pretty), and adding the yelling and screaming isn’t helping. You just look like you should be on the show The Bad Girls Club with those really terrifying middle aged women who think they’re 20 and can squeeze into miniskirts. Guys aren’t turned on by the needy, scary, and ugly behavior that comes with the black-outs. They aren’t like, “oh my god, runny make-up, glazed over eyes, and a bad attitude! She’s so hot!” No. Sorry to be a party pooper, (ha, get it? Party pooper? God, I’m funny.) but you will not be getting action that night. Except maybe between your toilet and the alcohol in your stomach.

So, girls, what have we learned from this? Hopefully it was that no one likes a mushy-gushy boyfriend bragger, or a girl in denial about being over someone, or a girl who likes ingesting more alcohol than the actual keg.

Hopefully you will change your ways (all 5 of you who read this). But don’t worry. The boys aren’t in the clear. The next post will be for them.

So get out there and listen to me so I won’t have to defriend you from Facebook or unfollow you from Twitter!