Yay, finally another post. I'm hanging in there people. This one is about what not to do as a female. Yup. So learn something all my lovely ladies. I know you can do it!
And don't worry, next up will be the fellas. So keep checking up for more ever-useful blogs from yours truly.
I know this is a different direction from what I usually write, but it’s still useful. Like really useful. It’s about what not to do as a girl. You don’t want to be “that girl.” Oh, you know what I mean. It’s fill in the blank. And I’m here to fill in that blank. So you’re welcome.
First of all, don’t be that girl who posts lovey-dovey stuff as your statuses. Cool, you have an awesome boyfriend. That’s just great. But your 859 friends on Facebook (most of which are just random people who you have no idea who they are, let’s be honest) don’t care if he’s the greatest boy on God’s green earth. Oh, he texted you “good morning beautiful” this morning? Cool, go gush to your best friend about it. Or your diary. Not the entire Facebook world.
On the topic of statuses, don’t be the girl who has to mention how you’re “so over so-and-so” and how “you’re so happy that it’s over.” Obviously, you’re not over it. You wouldn’t be bringing it up every single status if you didn’t care anymore. You’re making yourself look like a desperate idiot if you think you’re fooling anyone—obviously you know this boy will see your status, and say “aw, she’s over me? Bummer, I see how awesome she is and now I to win her back and sweep her off her feet with my noble steed.” And you’d be more than willing to get back with him despite your 16 statuses saying you’re, like, “so over the drama.” Barf. Just don’t say anything if you’re really over him.
I might as well just cover the girl mistakes dealing with boys now, since there are a lot of them. Don’t be the girl who needs a boy to be happy. Oh, you know who you are. “Ugh, but I just know if I had a guy to cuddle with and watch movies with and blah blah blah I’d be so much happier.” No. First of all, if you find a guy that just wants to snuggle with you 24/7 and watch chick flicks, you need to check his man card. Second of all, you don’t have the right mindset if you think having a boyfriend will make you happier or a better person. So just stop it. Be happy being single and ready to mingle.
These girls are usually the ones to have a different boyfriend seemingly every week. I will literally check my newsfeed on Facebook and I see girls go from “in a relationship” to “single” and back to “in a relationship” faster than I can post a comment. It’s bad. Don’t be that girl. It makes you look floozy and desperate. No one likes that.
Okay, that’s enough of that. Now onto the non-boy related stuff. Girls, for the sake of the public, please please please don’t be that girl who wears Uggs with skirts. Or any non-pant bottoms. It’s not cute. And it’s one of my biggest pet peeves. What, did you wake up in the morning and your feet thought it was winter and your thighs thought it was summer? No. You’re just making yourself look like a confused, fashion-deprived girl. So, no more.
Another thing I can’t stand is when girls tweet every 23 seconds. (Basically, girls need to take a social-networking 101 class. They need help.) “Walking to the library and saw a squirrel!” 19 seconds later… “Library is sooo crowded!” One minute later… “Omg, seeing people who you’re trying to avoid. #helpme.” Just stop it. Seriously. When I scroll down my Twitter timeline and see 8 tweets from the same person in a row, I just want to scream. Cool, you can tweet that you’re studying. But when you tweet about every single thing that you see, hear, smell, feel, or wish would happen, it’s annoying as hell. I mean, you’re supposed to be studying! How can you tweet and study at the same time? You can’t, so stop it. For the sake of your grades and my sanity.
The next thing that definitely needs dire attention is what happens at parties—don’t be that girl who always blacks out, hysterically cries, or yells at a party. It’s not cute; it will never be cute, so stop doing it. Honestly, girls, the black-out look will never be in style (I’m sorry, but the running eye liner and the nappy hair are just not pretty), and adding the yelling and screaming isn’t helping. You just look like you should be on the show The Bad Girls Club with those really terrifying middle aged women who think they’re 20 and can squeeze into miniskirts. Guys aren’t turned on by the needy, scary, and ugly behavior that comes with the black-outs. They aren’t like, “oh my god, runny make-up, glazed over eyes, and a bad attitude! She’s so hot!” No. Sorry to be a party pooper, (ha, get it? Party pooper? God, I’m funny.) but you will not be getting action that night. Except maybe between your toilet and the alcohol in your stomach.
So, girls, what have we learned from this? Hopefully it was that no one likes a mushy-gushy boyfriend bragger, or a girl in denial about being over someone, or a girl who likes ingesting more alcohol than the actual keg.
Hopefully you will change your ways (all 5 of you who read this). But don’t worry. The boys aren’t in the clear. The next post will be for them.
So get out there and listen to me so I won’t have to defriend you from Facebook or unfollow you from Twitter!
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